I know this is so cliche – but it is hard to imagine LR is turning four tomorrow.  She is so proud of herself.  When I tucked her in tonight she asked me to lay down with her until she fell asleep.  So we lay there for a few minutes and talked about her birthday.

Her smile spread from ear to ear and her eyes seemed to sparkle with anticipation.  It was so wonderful to lay there with her and think about how my life has changed over the last few years because of this little person I was blessed with.

This time four years ago I was redefining my definition of pain.  For 23 hours.  I think it was intended that childbirth provides the most pain…that way everything else after that is a breeze.  Although it seems I am constantly redefining other things like my level of tolerance, patience, etc.

Now the pain is a little different.  Now, it’s the pain of knowing I have already let four years go by – and I could have had more patience, more tolerance, more hugs, more I love you’s.  I tell her that every day, I hug her many times a day, and I think of her constantly throughout the day.  But four short (and sometimes long) years…they went by too quickly.

This time four years ago, I was about to learn the most painful and heartbreaking lesson of all.  To be able to love her and know her I had to let her go.  She was no longer mine to treasure alone.  We no longer had the private relationship that only a mother and her unborn child can have.  It was time to share her with the world.

I’m going to be a mess when she goes to Kindergarten.