Seriously – I do. Today – Thursday, February 7, 2008 – I whacked all my hair off!!! I was so tired of it getting caught in the car door, the seat belt, my armpit. Yesterday – after spending 35 minutes straightening it – I was getting into the car, a draft sucked my hair out of the car, and my hair trailed over the top of the roof. Let me just tell you right now: it had rained earlier. As my hair was drying the top of the car off, I pulled it down, and it slapped against my face. Straightened no longer. And all this humidity didn’t help my cause. At that point, I had smoke coming out of my ears and my head started to spin.

Needless to say, I walked into my salon this afternoon and ordered the slaughter of my hair. I tried to be brave, but I have to admit I was sweating profusely and my hands were shaking. I felt violated as she made the first cut – and shortly thereafter I was in the nude…well, my neck was anyway.

Ever heard of Locks of Love? Wonderful-awesome company that makes vacuum seal hair pieces for children who have lost their hair due to disease. I’m sure a child in need will enjoy my hair much more than I was. Plus, I couldn’t imagine one of my daughters losing her hair and struggling with a disease like cancer. They are providing such a service, not only to the children, but to their parents who have to watch them endure disease. It gives them them back such an important part of their identity.

The pictures aren’t the greatest…but it is all I’ve got for now!

Ahhhh, what a story! After chapter 5 I just couldn’t put this book down. My husband knew better than to talk to me…with tears running down my cheeks after ch. 5, ch. 11, and the epilogue.

Chapter 12 was a such a relief – Nella was able to find her place and her peace. It reaffirmed that my struggle to get home will be worth every moment of hardship.

I loved the relationship between Nella and her daughter – it wasn’t perfect, but they came together despite their shortfalls. Their relationship took place over 50 years ago, when women were expected to stay home and raise a family. But they faced the same problems and struggles that working moms face every day in 2008. It really put things into perspective in my life and regarding my children.

And it’s odd to say that QOTBT helps put life into perspective – but unexpectedly, it did. I connected with Nella. Putting your dreams on hold to raise a family. Not that I’m all self-sacrificing for my family…but I know I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing if I was alone. Dreams don’t completely go on hold – they just change a bit – they redirect themselves.

I completely get the going all out on everything, selling the most tickets – to prove what? Nella’s issues were with herself, she did it for selfish reasons. Despite her good intentions! That is SO me. And I understand that about myself – I really do (Erika). I go 150% on everything for the girls…and they don’t know the difference! I do it for me. I do it to prove to myself and others that I can do it.

I’m the mom that sends the best treats, the cutest snacks, the most supportive. And although I know my children benefit from my support – I do it mostly because it makes me feel good. Selfish reasons! I need to let go of that – a little bit at a time. Nella learned that during the latter part of her life. After her daughter was grown and married. I need to start now. Funny thing about parenting: you know better, consciously you know what you should say and do. But it usually never comes out of your mouth or through your actions as you intend.

In any case – loved the book – 100% recommend it. Anything from Trigiani is worth reading…except for Rococo…unless you want a kick ASS chocolate cake recipe. Well, I can just give you that – email me and save yourself the trouble of buying the book! However, QOTBT is worth the read – again and again.

I know this is so cliche – but it is hard to imagine LR is turning four tomorrow.  She is so proud of herself.  When I tucked her in tonight she asked me to lay down with her until she fell asleep.  So we lay there for a few minutes and talked about her birthday.

Her smile spread from ear to ear and her eyes seemed to sparkle with anticipation.  It was so wonderful to lay there with her and think about how my life has changed over the last few years because of this little person I was blessed with.

This time four years ago I was redefining my definition of pain.  For 23 hours.  I think it was intended that childbirth provides the most pain…that way everything else after that is a breeze.  Although it seems I am constantly redefining other things like my level of tolerance, patience, etc.

Now the pain is a little different.  Now, it’s the pain of knowing I have already let four years go by – and I could have had more patience, more tolerance, more hugs, more I love you’s.  I tell her that every day, I hug her many times a day, and I think of her constantly throughout the day.  But four short (and sometimes long) years…they went by too quickly.

This time four years ago, I was about to learn the most painful and heartbreaking lesson of all.  To be able to love her and know her I had to let her go.  She was no longer mine to treasure alone.  We no longer had the private relationship that only a mother and her unborn child can have.  It was time to share her with the world.

I’m going to be a mess when she goes to Kindergarten.

Ahhhhh, cheeseburgers in paradise! And, yes, we ate cheeseburgers while sitting in paradise. Jimmy Buffett’s hit, Cheeseburger in Paradise, was said to be inspired by this tiny island just north of Sanibel and Captiva Island. T and I hit the island for a mini-vaca for my 30th birthday. Talk about relaxing! No tv – no phone – no internet – NO KIDS!!! It was heaven.

Funny part is that the first morning there we spent discussing what exactly the girls would be doing at this time of the day. And then we appreciated the peaceful quietness that surrounded us and got down to some good relaxation!

To sum it up, the weekend went a little like this: reading, eating, sleeping. Repeat for 3 days. Nice. Oh, yes – and there was just a little drinking. The bloody mary’s were pretty good too!

Now – I have been looking forward to reading this one for a long time. I’ve had the book, but haven’t had a chance to start it until today. I have read Trigiani’s other books (Big Stone Gap series, Rococo, Lucia Lucia – LOVED that one) and I have thoroughly enjoyed them all. Well….except for Rococo. I wanted to claw my eyes out with that one, but got through it.

Other than that ONE, I have finished each book feeling…oh, I don’t know…kind of like what you feel like after you eat a delicious bit of chocolate and you are licking the remnants off your fingers. Comforted, satisfied, and looking forward to the next piece.

I absolutely love how they have the Italian theme running through each book. I anticipate hearing the characters talk about family recipes and turning the page hoping Trigiani took the time to include yet another delicious recipe in the story. Let me just tell you right now, the candy bar cake recipe in Rococo makes reading the book totally worth it. I take back the clawing of the eyes comment.

I haven’t even finished chapter one yet – yes, I know, that’s lame. But I started it on the treadmill and had to put it down in order to break a sweat. So far I love what I’m reading…..big time.